swoonbaby's Blog


I once had a beautiful soul
i once had a beautiful soul
i was young 
my soul was young 
I didnt know 
it let me go 
I been lost since
This i know 
i feel it 
It felt me 
left me alone and cold. SOULLESS
I once had a soul 
i know why it packed up and left
already knowing my life ahead was going to be a mess.



Dig into the skin, hit into the chest. 
Leave and take the pain,
You stood and I left 
An complete mess
With sore, hurt Breast. 


My love goes , My love grows, my, my, my, my , my,my,my, my Love .  Wish i couldve took it slower and thought it out , i twisted and shouted and got it all wrong, I did me all wrong. It goes and continues to grow , up and down and all around. In a spiral playground . 


you wont believe me when i say i want to tear him away . He is just like me. Violates the love he is misssing , he wont believe me , and so he ignores.   I would die and kill and steal and do time for him , to be close to him cuz i believe in him... I strip away my heart from him to see what i can find , the cruelest of the cruel , , meanest  of the mean . Yeah he pays me but i can only show him how its done . Its me in his head and him thats making me feel dead.   He can touch me if he wants and once he does he wont stop. I AM WHATS GOOD FOR HIM


Momma I keep having nightmares , momma why dont you hold me still , Momma, momma they are so frightening , Momma ,momma why dont you shake me from those dreams . Momma, momma do you love me still? Momma or do you still not feel .  It makes it hard for me to fall asleep and i swear momma its the same even when your not here .  Its so disturbing the things i dream as I sleep . Momma , momma wake me up from this fear . Momma momma its hard to explain , Even though im older i have no one to hold my hand or understand. Momma , momma am I ill? Momma , momma dont go tell a soul. I try to sleep against the wall , or crawl into a ball.  Momma , dont leave me alone , momma i know you must go .

The ghost

The ghost in you is the ghost in me
Angels fall , color of grey and love is a different  betweeen you and i , 
Your on my mind making my vision blind , i can be in a room of new and  still its you.  The passing of time , Not on our sides ever.  Undercover lover . Smother me lover . Whisper sweet nothings and disappear into the night , never seen when light.  We vanish and appear , with love and fear.  Haunted with something we can never have 

Hello , Goodbye

Hello , I say, How r u ? I lied and said everything was fine , I let it be known I missed him soo. I said to much and was to kind, I blame it on the love he left behind. I was mistaken and now im left here faking that everythings alright, when in reality its not. 


I am walking on the moon and who do i think i am for walking on the moon so casually  as if i have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Huh, i still walk on my moon that has been full on some nights  and half  full on plenty other nights. Walking on this moon has not only gotten me into a gloom but it has made enough room for me to blossom and bloom.  and if only i could just stay and play and pretend everything is okay. 

Lost in a haze

Sensitive to the thought ,`
Surrender my heart 
Still torn apart
If its not one thing its another
Why do i keep on having bad dreams of my brother?
I miss being held and caressed, says  my breast! 
Hide n seek , 
Noone has found me yet .


Nothing to you is something to me, 
Giving my all , crushing my skull
Beats are minimal , all so that its got me pinned against the wall
ligaments torn , visible thorn
In a corner i look , thoughts up in my air 
I swear i can hear words unspoken 
What i hear is silence and fear.


I SEEM TO RECONIZE that maybe it was me..  I swear I am only hoping to wake up from this nightmare.  .   Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am still screaming and wanting to break down and cry..  Okay , i wanna say , I changed by not changing at all.  HEARTS AND THOUGHTS FADE AWAY  3  

hospital .( hos~ spit~ a~ bowl = wtf?

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Im starting not to care
Like this fire that  i lit in my pit
Flame wants to rise high and ignite 
but it needs help 
so it gets low and lower and and quickly dies 
Not a chance to expand and show its true colors
warmth and glow


Im starting not to care
Like this fire that  i lit in my pit
Flame wants to rise high and ignite 
but it needs help 
so it gets low and lower and and quickly dies 
Not a chance to expand and show its true colors
warmth and glow

Cuts n beauty

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11 years

I am so shaky and feeling faint, I keep hearing their voices repeating in my head, A nightmare and im not asleep , why me? I am beyound sad , cant describe this feeling that has taken over me, WHAT  do i do get numb and hurry , wash it down until i see blurry.  Do i Break down and cry , throw my self ont he floor , kick and shout all by myself, Breaking everything, destroying something, I am such in disbelief questions of when  and why and oh , thats why? And " You lied"  Now its all making sense the excuses of where and with who.  The long  hours , then lie and  say u will see me, carry on because u know i am not gone, This has been soo wrong, I want to cry but im afraid of what will come out, I need someone in my life and in a hurry , I need someone to hug and i have noone, I need to feel pain , i need to feel, I need to kneel and pray , I am so STUPID and BLIND, i want to throw up,  This time i heard with my own ears i couldnt believe , i NEED TO LEAVE.  I was so in love with him and believed his lies and the look in his eyes, I trusted him , I gave him my all.  He used it, abused it, played with it, never loved it, never cared, never even wanted me , More like the thought of having me so no one else does. I feel like im about to explode and i feel the tears in my eyes building up , HOT  with ANGER, and thick with fear.  The end is now , My love has fell .  Im dizzy and scared and my heart is dead,  I can hear the voice in my head telling me to lay down in bed and get rest , wake up and be at my best, for someone that doesnt see me , someone that is fast and i fell in his trap, I am badly injured  and need someone s.o.s   , I feel like hurting myself ., and thats so sad that i can think that bad., WELL im damned mad  . tHIS IS WHAT i get for loving this is what i get for thinking and wishing and wanting and waiting and being so naive to nothing .  I I want to pretend nothing happend and shine it on  think that he is true ,  i think to myself Go on and try to impress him  undress him , caress him,,  i can be just one big lie do anything to keep us and do nothing to break us.  WHat good is playing around ,  , do i leave it alone and conitniue to grow  . im not the one he wants and if im wrong well then its time to put down the bong.  

He knows id love to see him happy or as close as is allowed , I am haunted for wanting and hated for loving, I am sold and billed for the pleasure. I have had no one for so long . Natural and real is love but i learned its not for me.  Sing myself to sleep , tired , ill, afarid, I never wanted i never wished or dreamed now its a scheme , how mean .    fOUND SOMEONE I THOUGHT WHO WAS WORTH IT, I WAS THERE THROUGH THE MERKINESS , U NEVER SEEMED SCHEMING, well the more u give the more u loose the more im going to suffer. This is my december, and i gave it all to him. 

Christmas Day

You can fight me and kick me and say what u want , it wont change the way that i feel. Even though it makes me ill , I wont change the way i feel. 
Slam the door in my face , its me u blame. 
Christmas Day 


I got my high heels on and im ready.
Ready for what and for who? 
Where do i think im going?

I am doing a real good job at pretending
I am doing one heck of a job at not listening
and awesome at forgetting
I deserve an award for the role that i play

Thank you everyone , For I have left the building


I havent gotten any better I havent gotten ANY further, I havent gotten anything , not even myself.  I am like a raged bull , so mad, so uncool, a fool.. A joke that keeps repeating itself and is not funny anymore


now I. Lay down to sleep I wish I can break this tablet over some ones head. I look upon the shadows ,I look upon my life, I look upon my  myself for another lonesome nite. Its quiet but my thoughts are loud.  Its hot yet I feel a chill at my feet making its way up my thigh. Too tired to move to tired to care. I only want ,, that's gotta stop.  ,my eyes are done for the night. My mind surrenders my hearts put on hold. Sleep now , 

1-20 of 46 Blogs   

Previous Posts
SOUL, posted April 27th, 2015
DONT YOU EVER!, posted April 3rd, 2015
My, posted December 31st, 2014
THE Q OF THE Q, posted October 14th, 2014
Nightmares, posted June 21st, 2014
The ghost, posted June 16th, 2014
Hello , Goodbye, posted June 5th, 2014
moon, posted June 4th, 2014
Lost in a haze, posted April 20th, 2014
9:16, posted February 5th, 2014
Black, posted January 20th, 2014
hospital .( hos~ spit~ a~ bowl = wtf?, posted January 9th, 2014
Fire, posted January 1st, 2014
Fire, posted January 1st, 2014
Cuts n beauty, posted December 31st, 2013
11 years, posted December 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Christmas Day, posted December 25th, 2013
Bravo, posted December 25th, 2013
2 B 4GOTTEN, posted December 23rd, 2013
99, posted September 4th, 2013
99, posted September 4th, 2013
im not sorry, posted August 17th, 2013
6:55pm, posted August 17th, 2013
once, posted July 30th, 2013
for now, posted June 30th, 2013
It, posted March 26th, 2013
jot this, posted March 16th, 2013
what the what the what?, posted February 10th, 2013
sunday, posted January 14th, 2013
Death, posted January 9th, 2013
Say no, posted January 8th, 2013
DREAM or reality.., posted December 29th, 2012
Thought at 3;47am, posted December 25th, 2012
Want, posted November 19th, 2012
Sick, posted November 16th, 2012
Early arrival, posted November 11th, 2012
Madness, posted November 4th, 2012
tonight, posted October 31st, 2012
Hated for loving, posted October 25th, 2012
Ive lost, posted October 22nd, 2012
thoughts as of now., posted September 26th, 2012
Fallin, posted September 22nd, 2012
What to be done with her, posted September 12th, 2012
BLIND, posted September 6th, 2012
All, posted August 25th, 2012
Bitter me, BitterSweet......, posted August 21st, 2012
win some lose some, posted July 30th, 2012
Missing person, posted June 30th, 2012
Again, posted June 26th, 2012

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