Post

swoonbaby's Blog


9:16

Nothing to you is something to me, 
Giving my all , crushing my skull
Beats are minimal , all so that its got me pinned against the wall
ligaments torn , visible thorn
In a corner i look , thoughts up in my air 
I swear i can hear words unspoken 
What i hear is silence and fear.
 

Black

I SEEM TO RECONIZE that maybe it was me..  I swear I am only hoping to wake up from this nightmare.  .   Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am still screaming and wanting to break down and cry..  Okay , i wanna say , I changed by not changing at all.  HEARTS AND THOUGHTS FADE AWAY  3  

hospital .( hos~ spit~ a~ bowl = wtf?

This blog has been marked as containing adult content. Your current adult settings prevent you from seeing it. Please go to your account settings page and change your settings to allow adult content to view this blog

Fire

Im starting not to care
Like this fire that  i lit in my pit
Flame wants to rise high and ignite 
but it needs help 
so it gets low and lower and and quickly dies 
Not a chance to expand and show its true colors
warmth and glow

Fire

Im starting not to care
Like this fire that  i lit in my pit
Flame wants to rise high and ignite 
but it needs help 
so it gets low and lower and and quickly dies 
Not a chance to expand and show its true colors
warmth and glow

Cuts n beauty

This blog has been marked as containing adult content. Your current adult settings prevent you from seeing it. Please go to your account settings page and change your settings to allow adult content to view this blog

11 years

I am so shaky and feeling faint, I keep hearing their voices repeating in my head, A nightmare and im not asleep , why me? I am beyound sad , cant describe this feeling that has taken over me, WHAT  do i do get numb and hurry , wash it down until i see blurry.  Do i Break down and cry , throw my self ont he floor , kick and shout all by myself, Breaking everything, destroying something, I am such in disbelief questions of when  and why and oh , thats why? And " You lied"  Now its all making sense the excuses of where and with who.  The long  hours , then lie and  say u will see me, carry on because u know i am not gone, This has been soo wrong, I want to cry but im afraid of what will come out, I need someone in my life and in a hurry , I need someone to hug and i have noone, I need to feel pain , i need to feel, I need to kneel and pray , I am so STUPID and BLIND, i want to throw up,  This time i heard with my own ears i couldnt believe , i NEED TO LEAVE.  I was so in love with him and believed his lies and the look in his eyes, I trusted him , I gave him my all.  He used it, abused it, played with it, never loved it, never cared, never even wanted me , More like the thought of having me so no one else does. I feel like im about to explode and i feel the tears in my eyes building up , HOT  with ANGER, and thick with fear.  The end is now , My love has fell .  Im dizzy and scared and my heart is dead,  I can hear the voice in my head telling me to lay down in bed and get rest , wake up and be at my best, for someone that doesnt see me , someone that is fast and i fell in his trap, I am badly injured  and need someone s.o.s   , I feel like hurting myself ., and thats so sad that i can think that bad., WELL im damned mad  . tHIS IS WHAT i get for loving this is what i get for thinking and wishing and wanting and waiting and being so naive to nothing .  I I want to pretend nothing happend and shine it on  think that he is true ,  i think to myself Go on and try to impress him  undress him , caress him,,  i can be just one big lie do anything to keep us and do nothing to break us.  WHat good is playing around ,  , do i leave it alone and conitniue to grow  . im not the one he wants and if im wrong well then its time to put down the bong.  

He knows id love to see him happy or as close as is allowed , I am haunted for wanting and hated for loving, I am sold and billed for the pleasure. I have had no one for so long . Natural and real is love but i learned its not for me.  Sing myself to sleep , tired , ill, afarid, I never wanted i never wished or dreamed now its a scheme , how mean .    fOUND SOMEONE I THOUGHT WHO WAS WORTH IT, I WAS THERE THROUGH THE MERKINESS , U NEVER SEEMED SCHEMING, well the more u give the more u loose the more im going to suffer. This is my december, and i gave it all to him. 

Christmas Day

You can fight me and kick me and say what u want , it wont change the way that i feel. Even though it makes me ill , I wont change the way i feel. 
Slam the door in my face , its me u blame. 
Christmas Day 

Bravo

I got my high heels on and im ready.
Ready for what and for who? 
Where do i think im going?

I am doing a real good job at pretending
I am doing one heck of a job at not listening
and awesome at forgetting
I deserve an award for the role that i play

Thank you everyone , For I have left the building
 

2 B 4GOTTEN

I havent gotten any better I havent gotten ANY further, I havent gotten anything , not even myself.  I am like a raged bull , so mad, so uncool, a fool.. A joke that keeps repeating itself and is not funny anymore

99

now I. Lay down to sleep I wish I can break this tablet over some ones head. I look upon the shadows ,I look upon my life, I look upon my  myself for another lonesome nite. Its quiet but my thoughts are loud.  Its hot yet I feel a chill at my feet making its way up my thigh. Too tired to move to tired to care. I only want ,, that's gotta stop.  ,my eyes are done for the night. My mind surrenders my hearts put on hold. Sleep now , 

99

now I. Lay down to sleep I wish I can break this tablet over some ones head. I look upon the shadows ,I look upon my life, I look upon my  myself for another lonesome nite. Its quiet but my thoughts are loud.  Its hot yet I feel a chill at my feet making its way up my thigh. Too tired to move to tired to care. I only want ,, that's gotta stop.  ,my eyes are done for the night. My mind surrenders my hearts put on hold. Sleep now , 

im not sorry

This blog has been marked as containing adult content. Your current adult settings prevent you from seeing it. Please go to your account settings page and change your settings to allow adult content to view this blog

6:55pm

He hasen lost the love he loves the most, here i am drowning in my sorrow wishing and praying  for a better tomorrow , perspiring from the heat and my emotions.  WaLking into my room and disgusted at the sight of being sooooo unruley.  Out of control with emotion. I cant help what the funk did i do to deserve this?  I can be your friend if thats just what its going to be , in my reality i would leave from your reality and wanting.//    thinking thats why u keep me around.  Well i drove around my town , blood =shot eyes and thinking of lies to say to your face .   If u even answer; i wish god would answer my prayers ,

once

All these stories have lost its glory . Glory becomes gory.  I have back what has done its best to drive me mad, strange and not sad, anger now is a thing of the past, so i cast away the bad and take all that i left and all that once was . Tonight i am just trying to catch a buzz

for now

Bad girl , im such a naughty girl , when  the time is right , it doesnt have to be only at night.  MY thoughts

It

I have a itch that is hard to scratch, I have a flame that I cant just blow away, I have a heart that is black and a mind that is half mine. I lost time, I lost the day, I lost reality and I lost fame.  I am clouded, Thoughts, vision and soul.  I have not listened to reason because reason does not listen to me.  I drown out days and free stroke all night.  Its got  me, it haunts me, it takes me away, it brings me back, it leaves me feeling sad and mad.  Its consumed me, swallows me whole and has left me with no place to go.  Its not the thing to do , its not the route to take, I want to break free , I want me!   , 

jot this

Vulgar  I threw on a red pull over,  Why do I  feel sick all over I know because I am vulgar.  So why do u always wanna stop me when I am having fun , laughing and living, AND FINALLY loving ,, Why do u wanna  stoop me ? Oh I would never

what the what the what?

Its always something to hide , it would have been better if honest.. You blamed me and now im not satisfied., I laid down and died, And you just went about your day , GAY. It use to be this way and that, Now i wonder how it could have been if the event was different .  Never again we said before , Never gain what we had before, Took it away not the same , PAIN and problems, Faithfully pursue the truth , never again is what I swear , no man can not ever compare. Now i wait for the night to come where I am bearable, Save my soul  your the only one that knows, and never told. Tranquility I do not know, A spell grows old, We will never die, Our love was it a lie?  Lie me down and sleep with me , sober state equlas tranquility.  Us so much stuff , and now we r parting and becoming less and less and i HAVE BECOME SUCH A MESS OF whats become and whats to be.  I am a star in the sky up high down low, hit the ground harder with such an explosive , repulsive  bang and sight , lingers and never points a finger.

sunday

Just got back from tonights wild night. I met Ron Jeremy , A famous Porn star. I invited a neighbor that I thought could be cool .. But thats later in the story.   Its all good , I meet Ron and sit to enjoy a drink and make it quick because as soon as I take off the coat ,well Things became pretty good pretty CRAZY.  I took awesome professional pictures , Playboy status. I looked amazing , I couldnt believe that I looked so awesome I mean I love taking pictures and I know I look good but these were great. I choked up and only thanked him .  I was shocked. Now Im wondering whats wrong with me , why am I not married? Why am I single, Why am I mean , Why ?  Im a weirdo and I dont care. Nobody knows me , the real me.  I dont even know me that welll ..I m alot to know  , good bad and ugly,  Funny.  I get into it with my neighbor over My pictures that I like from her phone either deleted or sent to me. AND she has a hard time over it cussing me out and calling me names...Why idk? They r my pictures, i dont even have n e of me on my phone why should she . SOOO stormed off Slaming my doors to my house at 3 am , the fkn nerve.  Thee last time.  the end for now

1-20 of 37 Blogs   

Previous Posts
9:16, posted February 5th, 2014
Black, posted January 20th, 2014
hospital .( hos~ spit~ a~ bowl = wtf?, posted January 9th, 2014
Fire, posted January 1st, 2014
Fire, posted January 1st, 2014
Cuts n beauty, posted December 31st, 2013
11 years, posted December 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Christmas Day, posted December 25th, 2013
Bravo, posted December 25th, 2013
2 B 4GOTTEN, posted December 23rd, 2013
99, posted September 4th, 2013
99, posted September 4th, 2013
im not sorry, posted August 17th, 2013
6:55pm, posted August 17th, 2013
once, posted July 30th, 2013
for now, posted June 30th, 2013
It, posted March 26th, 2013
jot this, posted March 16th, 2013
what the what the what?, posted February 10th, 2013
sunday, posted January 14th, 2013
Death, posted January 9th, 2013
Say no, posted January 8th, 2013
DREAM or reality.., posted December 29th, 2012
Thought at 3;47am, posted December 25th, 2012
Want, posted November 19th, 2012
Sick, posted November 16th, 2012
Early arrival, posted November 11th, 2012
Madness, posted November 4th, 2012
tonight, posted October 31st, 2012
Hated for loving, posted October 25th, 2012
Ive lost, posted October 22nd, 2012
thoughts as of now., posted September 26th, 2012
Fallin, posted September 22nd, 2012
What to be done with her, posted September 12th, 2012
BLIND, posted September 6th, 2012
All, posted August 25th, 2012
Bitter me, BitterSweet......, posted August 21st, 2012
win some lose some, posted July 30th, 2012
Missing person, posted June 30th, 2012
Again, posted June 26th, 2012

Blogroll
Here are some friends' blogs...

Help
How to Embed Photos in your Blog Embed Photos How to Embed Videos in your Blog Embed Videos